That’s right, I’m done, done, done! The online winter session of doom is officially out of my life for good. I have survived the drudging experience; the tests are complete, the paper is submitted and there is nothing to do but anxiously await my grade and watch my GPA plummet. Hopefully the latter won’t occur, I should manage to pull a B/B+.
And how did I miraculously pull out of this alive, you must wonder? The answer: molto procrastination with frequent reading/writing breaks. One book in particular kept me going.
My AP US History teacher from junior year of high school told us to watch a funny movie the night before we took the test because laughter releases endorphins which increases brain function. Since the class proved extremely detrimental to my amount of brain activity, I knew it was imperative for me to find something that would boost this in order for me to complete the test and the paper. This saving grace came in the form of Nightlight, a Twilight parody.
For Twilight fans and haters alike, the book was written by The Harvard Lampoon, a group of students from – you guessed it – Harvard which specializes in critiquing popular fads and literature etc. They certainly did a great job with this one. For those of you who hate Twilight, you’ll love its absurdity, and for those of you who love Twilight, you’ll love its absurdity. Written in the same format of the original book, it follows the story of Belle Goose and her romance with Edwart Mullen. The spoof the books and the movies and the ridiculous socially awkward situations in which the characters find themselves are pure comical genius. The exaggerated scenes and just plain funny dialogue and Belle’s inner thoughts had my stomach in stitches and kept me sane during the final stretch of the class. I would write a page of the paper and then read a chapter, then answer a few test questions and then read a chapter and so on. It honestly made time fly.
A few hilarious excerpts to tempt your literary palette:
“‘That’s Edwart Mullen,’ Lululu said.
“Edwart. I’d never met a boy named Edwart before. Actually I’d never met anyone named Edwart before. It was a funny sounding name. Much funnier than Edward.”
“I typed one word: Vampre. Google asked ‘Did you mean Vampire?’ I clicked ‘yes.’
“I felt overwhelmed by the results: ‘The Buffy Summers Workout,’ Kristen’s Stewart’s Onset Romance,’ ‘Midnight Sun Leaked,’ ‘Robert Pattinson Excellent Blues Singer.’”
“‘Isn’t it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy tot leave! I’m imagining pages and pages would happen – with nothing but the names of the month on them!”
“That took me by surprise. Asking permission was something only knights from ancient centuries did. Then I remembered how old Edwart really was – hundreds of years ago he was living among Napoleon and Jesus.”